Sigh

No time for blog posts.

No sleep.

No eat.

Tomorrow I officially begin.

Shit.

I wonder how long I can pretend I'm competent.

I'm hoping long enough to bathe in Crystal (with the tilde). Not the cheap stuff without the tilde...though that would be kind of nice as well.

Lunch time, I'm going to buy some Crystal, no tilde.

I can't look myself in the eye.

Weekend

Ouch, my tits are sore today.

There was much sloth this weekend.

Tried the wings at the Bare.

Watched Seahawks dominate.

Aided Pat's quest for to develop a 'whore mode.'

Woke up to find Keith in my house twice.

Woke up to find an 18 year old girl in my house once.

Drank beer.

Watched new Dukes of Hazzard movie.

Vomited after watching new Dukes of Hazzard movie.

The Million Dollar Bet(s)

So I've been a lazy ass piece of shit lately. I mean fucking lazy. People would come to my house and go "god damn you're lazy." When it was just the not working out, that was fine. But it's gotten worse now. I've started eating tons. Literally, I bought a 2000lbs bag of rice from Freddy's the other day. Tons. Whiiiich, was actually even still fine by me until recently. I was fine with putting on a few extra because at my arms were still big and my stomach was fairly small. Well as someone says sometimes, "times they are a changin'." I started to see a negative correlation with the shrinking arms and growing gut, and I don't like it sir, not one bit.

So what does one do when they're dangerously unhealthy? I made bets with Pat. I figure it's been a month of newness for me; computer, suit, job, soon car, so let's do it up right with a new body! Yeah! In a few years I'll be able to afford the lipo and botox. Ew, creepy.

Ok, the first bet gives me 1 month to be able to do 100 continuous pushups...gyar. I think I may have been a bit ambitious...seeing as how it's been months since I've done any pushups... I have until Feb 19th. The way Pat was celebrating after we shook hands does not bolster my confidence. I think his exact words were "shit yes, easiest money I've ever made, are you going to pay me now?" Hmmm....the first night of the bet I did a set to see where I was. I pretty much maxed out at 40. We could be in trouble folks. Huh? Yeah I said 'we.' You're in on this with me right? Supportiv....hey, come back here...son of a bitch. I'll keep this updated on my progress. This Sunday I'm going to max out again and check my progress. Today I do 30 sets of 10pushups. Oh wait, I mean today I try to do....yeah.

The second bet gives me 2 months to run a 6:30 mile. Now I know for some of you this is a simple task. And when I was a smaller lighter man it would have been a cakewalk. But I'm around 230lbs these days. That's a lot to move. But damn, doesn't a cakewalk sound fantastic? I've never really sat and pictured it before....it's wonderful....cakes everywhere...and a runway...oooh pretty. Ok, we're going to forget that last sentence ever came out of me. Huh? Just remember I've got dirt on everyone...everyone. So I have until March 19th for the running task. I think that one shouldn't be too hard, at least it's fucking possible. These pushups are killing me.

Why did I post this? I oughtta get rid of this damn thing. Blah. Grumpy much?

I am Man, hear me roar.

There was so much sloth this past weekend. And sloth's good friend gluttony....it was...it was...beautiful.

Keith and I woke up Saturday early Saturday with ambition unbecoming the likes of us. Yes, Keith slept on our floor the night before...a night of heavy metal at Rock N Roll pizza, amongst other things, can take a lot out of a chap. A delicious breakfast and some coffee at nearby Wenchells Donuts provided us the strength needed to search for a new couch...one that fits in the house this time...not one to sit next to the wonderful leather couch in the garage...that does not fit in the house.

After procuring said couch (a wonderfully soft two seater) from a local thrift shop for a mere $45, our ambition was far from quelched. What else did we need to begin this incredible weekend of football? Wings.

In our endevour to critique the wings all over town, we have yet to try one of the pillars of the wings community in town: Fire On The Mountain. Wings are their specialty, not an afterthought. I like that attitude. 42 wings, a new couch, and kickoff for the greatest game of the...week: Seahawks Vs Redskins. The wings were gone instantly, cookies were a nice follow up along with bottles of PBR. Yes, bottles, what kind of joint do you think we're running here? Well soon enough the "itis" set in on Keith and Pat. They slept through the final 3 quarters of the game. I however enjoyed every second, except the ones that I did not enjoy. Did I mention we also brought in the seat from the suburban to sit in also? We did.

I don't know what all went on over the rest of the weekend. All I remember is lots of food. Pizza and turkey melts on Sunday. Popcorn, beer, football, more football, and I think Keith moved in at some point, because he was here when I woke up Sunday....already watching football with Pat.

In retrospect, I'm not sure if it was worth the several years I took off of my life...no, actually, I'm certain it was worth every minute lost. I'll enjoy these precious moments while I can.

All hail the weekend of Man.

Back back back in time!

I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. So much crap I could have put in here...and now it will fade, never to be remembered again...I'll just do what I always do, talk about meaningless crap instead.

So New Years was interesting. No need for all the logistics, just know that it ended up my brother threw a party at my house. Which is fine, we share some friends. The crowd was a little bit young...18-22ish. And it did show. I have some fantastic pictures I can't post on here. I'd say there were about a dozen kids from ivy-leagues I caught on cam taking bong rips and irish car bombs. You better believe those shots are going in the blackmail bank. Joe needs a new pair of shoes....and early retirement.
There was some wrestling, some choking, more car bombs, some theft (which was graciously rectified later), blackouts, lust, gluttony and even an arrest. I awoke to two extra bodies in my bed. For a moment I thought it was Christmas. But no, the jailhouse number on my 'recently dialed' list reminded me it was in fact, New Years.
By 8:45am we had everyone out of the house and were cooking up some breakfast over in the 'rents large, vacant kitchen. By 5:00pm Pat and I had the entire main floor spotless, even more so than before the night began. The basement? Oh...errr...haven't actually gone down there yet...yeah...I'm sure it's fine.