The Million Dollar Bet(s)
So I've been a lazy ass piece of shit lately. I mean fucking lazy. People would come to my house and go "god damn you're lazy." When it was just the not working out, that was fine. But it's gotten worse now. I've started eating tons. Literally, I bought a 2000lbs bag of rice from Freddy's the other day. Tons. Whiiiich, was actually even still fine by me until recently. I was fine with putting on a few extra because at my arms were still big and my stomach was fairly small. Well as someone says sometimes, "times they are a changin'." I started to see a negative correlation with the shrinking arms and growing gut, and I don't like it sir, not one bit.
So what does one do when they're dangerously unhealthy? I made bets with Pat. I figure it's been a month of newness for me; computer, suit, job, soon car, so let's do it up right with a new body! Yeah! In a few years I'll be able to afford the lipo and botox. Ew, creepy.
Ok, the first bet gives me 1 month to be able to do 100 continuous pushups...gyar. I think I may have been a bit ambitious...seeing as how it's been months since I've done any pushups... I have until Feb 19th. The way Pat was celebrating after we shook hands does not bolster my confidence. I think his exact words were "shit yes, easiest money I've ever made, are you going to pay me now?" Hmmm....the first night of the bet I did a set to see where I was. I pretty much maxed out at 40. We could be in trouble folks. Huh? Yeah I said 'we.' You're in on this with me right? Supportiv....hey, come back here...son of a bitch. I'll keep this updated on my progress. This Sunday I'm going to max out again and check my progress. Today I do 30 sets of 10pushups. Oh wait, I mean today I try to do....yeah.
The second bet gives me 2 months to run a 6:30 mile. Now I know for some of you this is a simple task. And when I was a smaller lighter man it would have been a cakewalk. But I'm around 230lbs these days. That's a lot to move. But damn, doesn't a cakewalk sound fantastic? I've never really sat and pictured it before....it's wonderful....cakes everywhere...and a runway...oooh pretty. Ok, we're going to forget that last sentence ever came out of me. Huh? Just remember I've got dirt on everyone...everyone. So I have until March 19th for the running task. I think that one shouldn't be too hard, at least it's fucking possible. These pushups are killing me.
Why did I post this? I oughtta get rid of this damn thing. Blah. Grumpy much?
So what does one do when they're dangerously unhealthy? I made bets with Pat. I figure it's been a month of newness for me; computer, suit, job, soon car, so let's do it up right with a new body! Yeah! In a few years I'll be able to afford the lipo and botox. Ew, creepy.
Ok, the first bet gives me 1 month to be able to do 100 continuous pushups...gyar. I think I may have been a bit ambitious...seeing as how it's been months since I've done any pushups... I have until Feb 19th. The way Pat was celebrating after we shook hands does not bolster my confidence. I think his exact words were "shit yes, easiest money I've ever made, are you going to pay me now?" Hmmm....the first night of the bet I did a set to see where I was. I pretty much maxed out at 40. We could be in trouble folks. Huh? Yeah I said 'we.' You're in on this with me right? Supportiv....hey, come back here...son of a bitch. I'll keep this updated on my progress. This Sunday I'm going to max out again and check my progress. Today I do 30 sets of 10pushups. Oh wait, I mean today I try to do....yeah.
The second bet gives me 2 months to run a 6:30 mile. Now I know for some of you this is a simple task. And when I was a smaller lighter man it would have been a cakewalk. But I'm around 230lbs these days. That's a lot to move. But damn, doesn't a cakewalk sound fantastic? I've never really sat and pictured it before....it's wonderful....cakes everywhere...and a runway...oooh pretty. Ok, we're going to forget that last sentence ever came out of me. Huh? Just remember I've got dirt on everyone...everyone. So I have until March 19th for the running task. I think that one shouldn't be too hard, at least it's fucking possible. These pushups are killing me.
Why did I post this? I oughtta get rid of this damn thing. Blah. Grumpy much?
posted by Joe at 4:53 PM
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