How not to get me to work for you.
1. "Pet" me awkwardly when I've done well.
2. Laugh and shake your head when I come up with new ideas. Accompanying this with phrases such as "silly rabbit" and "ohhh you" really adds to the affect.
3. Tell me to do conflicting things and then when I'm in the process of doing one, tell me I should be doing the other. Do this a lot.
4. Take months to provide a job proposal. When you do write it, make it poorly worded and vague.
5. When I ask questions about said 'proposal,' take months to get back to me with answers, make sure not to answer everything. Remember, "always leave them wanting more;" applies to every situation, no matter what.
6. Make up lists of things for me to do. Instead of simply handing me the list, go over each item in detail. Make sure to explain even the simplest tasks as if I were completely incompetent. Do this often, and make sure there are plenty of colleagues around.
7. Ignore anything you don't want to hear. When I say I am looking for full-time work, offer me part-time. When I say I have my own retirement fund, offer to contribute to a different one. Repeat multiple times.
8. Try to influence my decisions by mentioning my parents. Say things like "I think your mom would want this." If my mother happens to actually be in the room; look at her while you speak to me. Make sure I know that the there is "big-kid" talk going on, and that perhaps I should fetch coffee whilst you decide what's best for me.
9. When I want to meet to discuss something, agree, then cancel. Do this for 3 weeks. When you finally decide to meet with me, send me a letter of the things you'd like to discuss.
10. And finally, if you really want me to give you the old 'F-you,' include this paragraph in your proposal:
"I have talked to outside personnel firms and it is clear I can get a good person to work for me who has administrative assistant skills that are better than yours for less money. And I can get someone who has completed college and had some years of work experience who would be cheaper than what I am proposing to pay you."
Because god damnit your right! You can find someone to organize your shit for less. And who has finished college. You are completely 100% correct. So despite this stellar offer you have taken the time to grace me with, I will have to respond with a firm "no thank you." What's that? Why? You ask. Well, like you said; you can find someone more competent and cheaper than me, yet you still insist on hiring me? Well that's just poor business sense. I'd rather not work in an evironment where that sort of decision making is endorsed.
2. Laugh and shake your head when I come up with new ideas. Accompanying this with phrases such as "silly rabbit" and "ohhh you" really adds to the affect.
3. Tell me to do conflicting things and then when I'm in the process of doing one, tell me I should be doing the other. Do this a lot.
4. Take months to provide a job proposal. When you do write it, make it poorly worded and vague.
5. When I ask questions about said 'proposal,' take months to get back to me with answers, make sure not to answer everything. Remember, "always leave them wanting more;" applies to every situation, no matter what.
6. Make up lists of things for me to do. Instead of simply handing me the list, go over each item in detail. Make sure to explain even the simplest tasks as if I were completely incompetent. Do this often, and make sure there are plenty of colleagues around.
7. Ignore anything you don't want to hear. When I say I am looking for full-time work, offer me part-time. When I say I have my own retirement fund, offer to contribute to a different one. Repeat multiple times.
8. Try to influence my decisions by mentioning my parents. Say things like "I think your mom would want this." If my mother happens to actually be in the room; look at her while you speak to me. Make sure I know that the there is "big-kid" talk going on, and that perhaps I should fetch coffee whilst you decide what's best for me.
9. When I want to meet to discuss something, agree, then cancel. Do this for 3 weeks. When you finally decide to meet with me, send me a letter of the things you'd like to discuss.
10. And finally, if you really want me to give you the old 'F-you,' include this paragraph in your proposal:
"I have talked to outside personnel firms and it is clear I can get a good person to work for me who has administrative assistant skills that are better than yours for less money. And I can get someone who has completed college and had some years of work experience who would be cheaper than what I am proposing to pay you."
Because god damnit your right! You can find someone to organize your shit for less. And who has finished college. You are completely 100% correct. So despite this stellar offer you have taken the time to grace me with, I will have to respond with a firm "no thank you." What's that? Why? You ask. Well, like you said; you can find someone more competent and cheaper than me, yet you still insist on hiring me? Well that's just poor business sense. I'd rather not work in an evironment where that sort of decision making is endorsed.
posted by Joe at 11:25 AM
2 Comments:
11.) Grow a horribly obvious female-mustache and do lots of things to attract attention to it while you're talking to me. Apply chapstick, drink milk, that kind of thing... Pretend that it's not totally disgusting.
oh my, I know, now, exactly who you are talking about. I especially enjoyed Ms. Cartier's comment. I too have seen the "stache" Someone might anonomously make a decision to place some nair on her desk. Repeat after me over and over, Oh Genius One: "Thank you, may I have another"
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