Busy Busy Busy
Last Saturday I made big plans! Wake up early, go buy a new sledge hammer, strip down to my shorts and tear into a concrete block for a few hours. It's gotta be taken out of our backyard, and I was gonna be the guy to do it... Oh but that wasn't all of my big plans! All sweaty and flushed from sledge hammering concrete, I was gonna head on over and play some softball in SE for a few hours. Knock a couple homers, make a couple dazzling defensive plays, perhaps even give a couple of firm ass pats. Sounds like a good day! But no, not finished yet. Next I was headed over to AJ's to watch the UofO football game in the bar in his basement. Get the guys together, pound some beers, maybe even get a good circle jerk going. What? After that we were to proceed to the bars for some pool and relaxation. A solid saturday, going strong from 9AM-Midnight. Can't beat that.
Well, what actually happened is a different story. I did wake up fairly early; 8:30AM. Gave my mom a call and a quick life update. By 8:50 I was out of bed and ready to go!...turn on the heater and get myself a bowl of Crispy Berry Crunch (Cap'n Crunch knock off). So I curled up next to one of the heating vents in my robe...on my leapard print bean bag chair...with my Crispy Berry Crunch...and Haunted the new Chuck Palahniuk novel I bought Friday. Ok, ok, I'll read a few chapters while I eat...then get to it!
80 pages go by...Alright! Made some progress, at page 100 I close up the book aaaand...get to it! Not a fucking chance. By page 120 I've moved into the recliner and grabbed a slice of leftover bacon pizza. My eyes never even leave the page while I take down the slice without chewing. At page 215 I'm fully in the zone. I've missed 3 phone calls and another slice of pizza is missing. I still have time for a little softball and then the football game... At page 300 I realize I'm in for the long haul. Whisps of bong rips float through the air, a warm 2 liter of coke sits next to me, 2 more slices of pizza gone, the robe, gone; just me, my underwear, the recliner, and my book. I thought I was busted for a minute, there was a knock on the door and I ran to my room in my underwear. I came out in shorts and the perpetrator was already rattling away on his lawn mower, trailing a wagon full of tools behind him...door to door lawn service? Whatever, I have a job to do.
I finish just before 6PM. I have passed on 2 tickets to the Lion King, softball, football, a handful of errands, eating anything decent, and getting dressed. I missed 8 calls, consumed 403 pages, 5 slices of pizza, a few gulps of warm coke, several bong rips, about 9 hours of my time, and all of the remaining dignity I had allotted for the weekend.
The book was good.
Well, what actually happened is a different story. I did wake up fairly early; 8:30AM. Gave my mom a call and a quick life update. By 8:50 I was out of bed and ready to go!...turn on the heater and get myself a bowl of Crispy Berry Crunch (Cap'n Crunch knock off). So I curled up next to one of the heating vents in my robe...on my leapard print bean bag chair...with my Crispy Berry Crunch...and Haunted the new Chuck Palahniuk novel I bought Friday. Ok, ok, I'll read a few chapters while I eat...then get to it!
80 pages go by...Alright! Made some progress, at page 100 I close up the book aaaand...get to it! Not a fucking chance. By page 120 I've moved into the recliner and grabbed a slice of leftover bacon pizza. My eyes never even leave the page while I take down the slice without chewing. At page 215 I'm fully in the zone. I've missed 3 phone calls and another slice of pizza is missing. I still have time for a little softball and then the football game... At page 300 I realize I'm in for the long haul. Whisps of bong rips float through the air, a warm 2 liter of coke sits next to me, 2 more slices of pizza gone, the robe, gone; just me, my underwear, the recliner, and my book. I thought I was busted for a minute, there was a knock on the door and I ran to my room in my underwear. I came out in shorts and the perpetrator was already rattling away on his lawn mower, trailing a wagon full of tools behind him...door to door lawn service? Whatever, I have a job to do.
I finish just before 6PM. I have passed on 2 tickets to the Lion King, softball, football, a handful of errands, eating anything decent, and getting dressed. I missed 8 calls, consumed 403 pages, 5 slices of pizza, a few gulps of warm coke, several bong rips, about 9 hours of my time, and all of the remaining dignity I had allotted for the weekend.
The book was good.
posted by Joe at 9:14 AM
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