That'll do pig, that'll do.
I have met one of the most disgusting people ever squeezed out of the ol' birthin' hole. For the sake of anonymity, we shall call her "Babe." Well, Babe is an incredible specimen of human being. The house of cards she has contructed her entire life on, is infused with contradictions and just outright crap. I digress, the point of this is not to discuss her virtues.
Physically, she is repulsive. She has the old lady fake blonde going, and for a while she had like a mini-mullet. Her face, while baggy, is actually semi-normal; ignoring the unhealthy hue of her pallid skin and the oft present frown stamped on her face. The true wonder of her, and I say that in all honesty, it is truly a wonder, I would and will go so far as to call it the 9th wonder of the world (the 8th being the fact that no one has unloaded a shotgun into her face thus far), is her gigantic, dinosauric, mastafuckingdonic, ass.
"Gyar, she's 3 feet across if she's an inch I say."
The ass is just so...big. It's ridiculous. And since I now have a 32" TV, I'm beginning to think I was underestimating her ass. It very well could be over 3' across. I mean we're getting into yards here. Christ, you know what sorts of things are described in yards? Golf courses and football fields! I'm almost curious to see it...but I think I'd vomit...or try to touch it, and pee myself. She was bragging the other day about how she walked a BLOCK! One, fucking, block. She's lame man, and I'm not talking about her personality. I'm talking "boy, git me my gun" lame. I'm talking late night, momma smothers her with a pillow lame. The kind of babe that'd suck the teet dry and then eat her starved and weak siblings. And don't you go feeling sorry for her one fucking bit. It's not glandular, she always tells me how in shape she "used to" be and tries to give me workout and health advice. I admit, she may have decent things to say about that, however I can never understand her with all those fucking Big Mac's stuffed in her mouth.
People get overweight, sure, whatever, no big deal. But to sit there day in, day out, and just devour everything she can get her hands on, often eating far more than myself in a day...is just well sick and offensive. I am 6'4, 220lbs. I like to eat a lot. But after lunch, I do not eat 3 drumstick ice cream cones back to back to back; she does.
And it's not like it's purely a physical thing. Her personality is even worse. She's soooo lazy. She doesn't even do her job. I'd say she does about 70% of her job, and relies on other people to make up the difference. She gets mad at me when I try to help, then she gets mad at me when I don't know the answer to a question. She gets mad at me when I refuse food she offers me. She gets mad at me if I don't offer her any of the food in my desk. She gets mad if I go to the store and don't bring food back for her (even if she doesn't ask me to). Apparently I should know, and it is common courtesy to bring ice-cream cones back for her unsolicited. Apparently this lack of common courtesy I display, can make her so mad that she shakes and tries to go home early. First off, who gets so bent out of shape over a 'common courtesy' issue? Secondly, it was a FUCKING ice cream cone! Calm your fat ass down woman. You can see I am dealing with a formidable force here. She's like an eternal scab. Kind of gross on the outside and in. If you pick at it you can often times make it worse, for the time being at least. But unlike a scab that eventually goes away, she never does. She keeps harrassing you, bothering you, whispering about you under her breath in front of you! She is the eternal scab that never heals.
Today, all day she has been giving me 'updates' on the whole hurricane situation in the gulf. Which is an interesting bit of news, that I am already fully aware of. But she loves telling people things they would never care about, and then forcing her opinion on them. She was telling me all about the roads the government and media was telling people to take, etc, etc, but oh they can't take that road! The first hurricane took that one out, blah blah blah. Then she pipes up "do you even know what I'm talking about?" and I, being the decent honest man I am, reply "I have absolutely no clue." She takes offense, turns back towards her computer and mumbles. Minutes later she tells me how it's heading for San Antonio, when I fail to feign the appropriate level of interest, she mumbles "you probably don't even know where San Antonio is." I ask her "what's Texas?" I don't think she's amused...
Muahaha...now she's making me feel evil and scheming...not that I am opposed to those feelings, but I try to be as least evil as possible. Ok, not true. I do enjoy tormenting her. I made her cry twice. Once was over that ice cream, can you believe she cried over that? She's just so mean to everyone. She's mean to the other gal (whom we'll call Amy) that works with us. But Amy is a single mother, who works extremely hard to support to children completely on her own. So Amy, understandably can be more emotional than I am at times. She is under a lot more pressure than I am. Well, "Babe" realizes this and only intensifies her coldness and rudeness to Amy. Amy takes it very personally and gets even more stressed out. So I strike back. "Babe" cannot fathom the degree of indifference I am capable of. And it drives her insane. She cannot phase me. She threatens to quit, I shrug my shoulders and say in my annoyingly cheery voice "now that's not a good attitude is it!" I undermine things she does and says all the time. She knows I do, but how can she stop me? I'm always right. I used to have her job, and did it 10times better than she's even capable of. She can't get under my skin and she hates it. Now some of you may say, but what about this ranting blog post? Well, I write this more out of pure fascination than anything. I believe I am past feeling hatred for her. She really quite the case study. Plus, she enjoys it when people give her attention, whether in a positive or negative light, she doesn't care.
Ok, that's all I have time to post for now. I know by this point you too, are enraptured by her grotesque beauty, so stay tuned, there will be more insight into the sirenesque man-beast known only as "Babe."
Physically, she is repulsive. She has the old lady fake blonde going, and for a while she had like a mini-mullet. Her face, while baggy, is actually semi-normal; ignoring the unhealthy hue of her pallid skin and the oft present frown stamped on her face. The true wonder of her, and I say that in all honesty, it is truly a wonder, I would and will go so far as to call it the 9th wonder of the world (the 8th being the fact that no one has unloaded a shotgun into her face thus far), is her gigantic, dinosauric, mastafuckingdonic, ass.
"Gyar, she's 3 feet across if she's an inch I say."
The ass is just so...big. It's ridiculous. And since I now have a 32" TV, I'm beginning to think I was underestimating her ass. It very well could be over 3' across. I mean we're getting into yards here. Christ, you know what sorts of things are described in yards? Golf courses and football fields! I'm almost curious to see it...but I think I'd vomit...or try to touch it, and pee myself. She was bragging the other day about how she walked a BLOCK! One, fucking, block. She's lame man, and I'm not talking about her personality. I'm talking "boy, git me my gun" lame. I'm talking late night, momma smothers her with a pillow lame. The kind of babe that'd suck the teet dry and then eat her starved and weak siblings. And don't you go feeling sorry for her one fucking bit. It's not glandular, she always tells me how in shape she "used to" be and tries to give me workout and health advice. I admit, she may have decent things to say about that, however I can never understand her with all those fucking Big Mac's stuffed in her mouth.
People get overweight, sure, whatever, no big deal. But to sit there day in, day out, and just devour everything she can get her hands on, often eating far more than myself in a day...is just well sick and offensive. I am 6'4, 220lbs. I like to eat a lot. But after lunch, I do not eat 3 drumstick ice cream cones back to back to back; she does.
And it's not like it's purely a physical thing. Her personality is even worse. She's soooo lazy. She doesn't even do her job. I'd say she does about 70% of her job, and relies on other people to make up the difference. She gets mad at me when I try to help, then she gets mad at me when I don't know the answer to a question. She gets mad at me when I refuse food she offers me. She gets mad at me if I don't offer her any of the food in my desk. She gets mad if I go to the store and don't bring food back for her (even if she doesn't ask me to). Apparently I should know, and it is common courtesy to bring ice-cream cones back for her unsolicited. Apparently this lack of common courtesy I display, can make her so mad that she shakes and tries to go home early. First off, who gets so bent out of shape over a 'common courtesy' issue? Secondly, it was a FUCKING ice cream cone! Calm your fat ass down woman. You can see I am dealing with a formidable force here. She's like an eternal scab. Kind of gross on the outside and in. If you pick at it you can often times make it worse, for the time being at least. But unlike a scab that eventually goes away, she never does. She keeps harrassing you, bothering you, whispering about you under her breath in front of you! She is the eternal scab that never heals.
Today, all day she has been giving me 'updates' on the whole hurricane situation in the gulf. Which is an interesting bit of news, that I am already fully aware of. But she loves telling people things they would never care about, and then forcing her opinion on them. She was telling me all about the roads the government and media was telling people to take, etc, etc, but oh they can't take that road! The first hurricane took that one out, blah blah blah. Then she pipes up "do you even know what I'm talking about?" and I, being the decent honest man I am, reply "I have absolutely no clue." She takes offense, turns back towards her computer and mumbles. Minutes later she tells me how it's heading for San Antonio, when I fail to feign the appropriate level of interest, she mumbles "you probably don't even know where San Antonio is." I ask her "what's Texas?" I don't think she's amused...
Muahaha...now she's making me feel evil and scheming...not that I am opposed to those feelings, but I try to be as least evil as possible. Ok, not true. I do enjoy tormenting her. I made her cry twice. Once was over that ice cream, can you believe she cried over that? She's just so mean to everyone. She's mean to the other gal (whom we'll call Amy) that works with us. But Amy is a single mother, who works extremely hard to support to children completely on her own. So Amy, understandably can be more emotional than I am at times. She is under a lot more pressure than I am. Well, "Babe" realizes this and only intensifies her coldness and rudeness to Amy. Amy takes it very personally and gets even more stressed out. So I strike back. "Babe" cannot fathom the degree of indifference I am capable of. And it drives her insane. She cannot phase me. She threatens to quit, I shrug my shoulders and say in my annoyingly cheery voice "now that's not a good attitude is it!" I undermine things she does and says all the time. She knows I do, but how can she stop me? I'm always right. I used to have her job, and did it 10times better than she's even capable of. She can't get under my skin and she hates it. Now some of you may say, but what about this ranting blog post? Well, I write this more out of pure fascination than anything. I believe I am past feeling hatred for her. She really quite the case study. Plus, she enjoys it when people give her attention, whether in a positive or negative light, she doesn't care.
Ok, that's all I have time to post for now. I know by this point you too, are enraptured by her grotesque beauty, so stay tuned, there will be more insight into the sirenesque man-beast known only as "Babe."
posted by Joe at 11:27 AM
1 Comments:
You were out getting lunch, on your lunch break, 20 minutes away from where I work, and you didn't bother to bring ME and ice cream?? Goddamnit Joe, I might have to cry about it. I can't believe you, you're so self-centered. I bet you don't even know what that means.
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