Meat Coma
Talk about a hot beef injection. No, not the kind they make men get before they're allowed to do straight porn. (I still refuse to believe Peter North ever took it). But the kind of beef injection that a guy named Bucky, who grew up in Texas, and curses like a crippled sailor can give you. A guy that gets a hard on making 7 racks of ribs, briscuit, and a huge platter of BBQ'd chicken on a tuesday evening. And for what? For who? Just a few of the guys.
To give you an idea of the BBQ prowess of this guy, (I won't even mention the smoker attached to the grill) the meat was literally falling of the ribs onto the plate. There was no way of getting around it, fingers, hands, face, all covered in BBQ. Not just BBQ sauce mind you. Any schmuck can make a somewhat decent piece of meat and drown it in BBQ sauce. Creating a mess and hiding the true flavor of the meat. No no, Bucky don't play that game. When I got home it was meat I smelled like, with a strong hickory smoke about me. I smelled like BBQ, not BBQ sauce. The goal of the true BBQ cook is to bring out the best flavor of the meat. And don't think for a second that Bucky leaves his responsibilities there. About 6 minutes into my gorging I'm gettin' quite a thirst going, my hands is grimy, full Corona sittin' in front of me. I didn't say a word, I never even saw Bucky look my way. Next thing I know he's popping the top on my beer and slapping my back.
I made it through a chicken breast, several slices of briscuit, and I don't know how many ribs. On top of cornbread, some beans (the woman made the beans and bread). When I got home I was as close as I've ever been to hallucinating, besides all of those times I took shrooms and acid and hallucinated. It even affected my breathing, which was shallow and raspy until about midnight. I am a fat man trapped in an athletic, incredibly handsome man's body.
To give you an idea of the BBQ prowess of this guy, (I won't even mention the smoker attached to the grill) the meat was literally falling of the ribs onto the plate. There was no way of getting around it, fingers, hands, face, all covered in BBQ. Not just BBQ sauce mind you. Any schmuck can make a somewhat decent piece of meat and drown it in BBQ sauce. Creating a mess and hiding the true flavor of the meat. No no, Bucky don't play that game. When I got home it was meat I smelled like, with a strong hickory smoke about me. I smelled like BBQ, not BBQ sauce. The goal of the true BBQ cook is to bring out the best flavor of the meat. And don't think for a second that Bucky leaves his responsibilities there. About 6 minutes into my gorging I'm gettin' quite a thirst going, my hands is grimy, full Corona sittin' in front of me. I didn't say a word, I never even saw Bucky look my way. Next thing I know he's popping the top on my beer and slapping my back.
I made it through a chicken breast, several slices of briscuit, and I don't know how many ribs. On top of cornbread, some beans (the woman made the beans and bread). When I got home I was as close as I've ever been to hallucinating, besides all of those times I took shrooms and acid and hallucinated. It even affected my breathing, which was shallow and raspy until about midnight. I am a fat man trapped in an athletic, incredibly handsome man's body.
posted by Joe at 10:54 AM
5 Comments:
Nice try Joe. I see how you tried to work in that 'plate' reference... We all know you guys were just eating directly off the grill though. With your faces.
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So is the jist of your 'Meat Coma' blog that you are an athletic, and incredibly handsome man who looks fat? Or are you simply telling us that men eat like pigs?
No no no Muna. I am an athletic, incredibly handsome man who eats like, and has the cravings of a fat kid. Waaait a second...I think you were just saying that to say it...b*tch.
Actually Joe, I think you are a fat handsome guy who has the cravings and appetites of a pig. Sounds like you suffer from sex deprivation too. Getting your friend a fake sheep instead of the real thing sounds pretty desperate to me. Are you sure you've not had sex with a cow?
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