Vrroooom
I bought a new bed this week. It's an exciting time. Yes, I realize what that implies about my life.
I walked into the store wanting bottom of the barrel. I purchased my last bed in Oregon off Craigslist for $100 straight cash. Well, for some odd reason, I had this fantasy that a twin bed would be great for me, mobile, comfortable, perfect. My father helped endorse the idea in my head by mentioning he slept in a twin for years...that was all I needed to hear, twin bed city here I come.
The salesman seemed slightly taken aback at my desire for a twin bed, even though I made it clear that I wanted the twin extra long. Somehow I felt that would make it like 5 times bigger. And hell I don't know where I'll end up having to move this thing to, compact is good, right? So blah blah blah I finally bought a fancy new twin bed (the fancy part was the salesman's idea, I had my eye on the mattresses in the alley out back), to be delivered friday.
And then reality hit me. The look at the saleman's face when I said I wanted a twin...the way he showed me two queens for every one twin...the fact that while yes my father did probably sleep in a twin for years, probably while he was at Westpoint, where his underoos were also chosen for him. The way my roommate, and everyone else laughed at me when mentioned I bought a twin size bed. My confidence started to faulter. I started picturing a racecar frame around my child size bed...I needed someone to give it to me straight...er than everyone else already had. I called my dear friend Sky and he set me straight with one blunt sentence:
"What were you thinking, do you ever want to get laid again?"
My brand new full size bed will be arriving tomorrow.
I doubt I'll get laid, but fantasy is a powerful influence. Hell I know guy that almost bought a twin size bed.
I walked into the store wanting bottom of the barrel. I purchased my last bed in Oregon off Craigslist for $100 straight cash. Well, for some odd reason, I had this fantasy that a twin bed would be great for me, mobile, comfortable, perfect. My father helped endorse the idea in my head by mentioning he slept in a twin for years...that was all I needed to hear, twin bed city here I come.
The salesman seemed slightly taken aback at my desire for a twin bed, even though I made it clear that I wanted the twin extra long. Somehow I felt that would make it like 5 times bigger. And hell I don't know where I'll end up having to move this thing to, compact is good, right? So blah blah blah I finally bought a fancy new twin bed (the fancy part was the salesman's idea, I had my eye on the mattresses in the alley out back), to be delivered friday.
And then reality hit me. The look at the saleman's face when I said I wanted a twin...the way he showed me two queens for every one twin...the fact that while yes my father did probably sleep in a twin for years, probably while he was at Westpoint, where his underoos were also chosen for him. The way my roommate, and everyone else laughed at me when mentioned I bought a twin size bed. My confidence started to faulter. I started picturing a racecar frame around my child size bed...I needed someone to give it to me straight...er than everyone else already had. I called my dear friend Sky and he set me straight with one blunt sentence:
"What were you thinking, do you ever want to get laid again?"
My brand new full size bed will be arriving tomorrow.
I doubt I'll get laid, but fantasy is a powerful influence. Hell I know guy that almost bought a twin size bed.
posted by Joe at 10:46 PM
1 Comments:
Two things to correct the record: 1. I have never in my life worn underoos thank you! During my early adult life I did wear Captain American briefs for several years. 2. I think the Captain American briefs negatively impacted my ability to get laid so ... my twin bed was just fine for me thank you!!! Dear Sweet Dad
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